Archive for September, 2009
I have been, at times, the leader of the “Trade Zambrano” bandwagon. I did so after the Z - Michael Barrett dustup in 2007, and I told him to “grow up” after the memorable meltdown with umpire Mark Carlson last May.
But there is no doubt that Z is among the most talented pitchers in baseball, and he showed every bit of that talent in shutting out the Giants 3-0 on two hits. In addition to outstanding pitching — throwing 67 strikes in 98 pitches and allowing just two singles, one by Juan Uribe and another by Tim Lincecum, and issuing a walk to Randy Winn — Z drove in two of the three Cubs runs, the first by beating a double-play relay throw, and the second with a double to the base of the wall in left field.
Really, what more can you ask of a pitcher? Z took that intensity that we often have seen explode in histrionics and focused every bit of it on his pitching. If we knew that intensity could be that channeled in every single start, not one of us would be asking for him to be sent away (I’ve even heard a rumor of a “challenge trade” where he’d be sent to the White Sox for Jake Peavy).
And on a night when the start of the game was delayed about five minutes while the Giants presented their annual “Willie Mac” award for community service to Matt Cain (and emcee Mike Krukow gave a shout-out to Cubs broadcaster Bob Brenly, who won the award while playing for the Giants in 1984), Z and the Cubs accomplished all this in one hour and fifty-six minutes, the first nine-inning Cubs game finished in less than two hours in more than three years, since April 17, 2006, a 4-1 win over the Dodgers in Los Angeles.
With Aramis Ramirez still nursing a sore shoulder (Lou didn’t want to play him on another chilly night in San Francisco) and Derrek Lee having a bit of a recurrence of his neck problems after an awkward slide stealing his first base of the year and then getting slapped on his helmet by Angel Guzman in the celebration following Jeff Baker’s homer (D-Lee says he doesn’t blame Guzman and will be back today), the Cubs put another spring-training-like lineup on the field last night, with Baker hitting cleanup and Bobby Scales again in left field. Scales played a competent LF in windy Phone Holding Company Park, and Baker drew two walks off Lincecum.
Sam Fuld had three hits, and Len Kasper pointed out during the game that he had singled off two Cy Young winners (Lincecum and Randy Johnson) in the same game. Wonder when that has happened before? The Cubs even scored a run off Johnson, something they’ve had trouble doing during the Big Unit’s long and distinguished career.
But the star of the game was Z, who now has the only two complete-game shutouts for a Cubs pitcher since Jason Marquis threw a three-hitter vs. the Pirates on May 9, 2007. Z was, in many ways, just as dominant than during his no-hitter last September 14. Though he gave up the two singles, he threw fewer pitches and had Giants hitters flailing away at a devastating slider — seven of the nine K’s were swinging.
Keep up the good work, Z, and we’ll be thrilled to see you retire as a Cub. And one more thing about recent Cubs baseball: I think I’ve enjoyed watching them play this week more than at any time all season. The 5-1 record posted since Sunday has included some fine play by just about everyone, and even the one loss was played well. Too bad we had to wait so long.
Finally, there were a lot more excellent entries in last night’s photo caption contest. There were two who played off the “Dancing With The Stars” angle, but the winner is going to be the one who posted it first (by time stamp); that would be lohroffc, who posted, simply:
Fukudome and Velez audition for Dancing with the Stars.
Send me your mailing address and I’ll send out the DVD. Today’s preview thread will be up at 1 pm CDT.
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I have always been a fan of White, I have to say, seeing news like this gives me mixed feelings.This might be shocking news for White fans, but some of you who will say that you saw it coming from a mile away. I can’t say I’m all that surprised. White is fantastic, I hope this doesn’t affect the rest of the team.
Every day can be opening day when you open your checkbook and see the logo of your favorite Major League Baseball team prominently displayed. All 30 teams available. Coordinating labels and cover are also available. These baseball checks are only $27.90 at DesignerChecks.com
Last Saturday’s post, titled “The Final Cubs On Fox For 2009″, was incorrect — I had forgotten, at the time I posted it, that today’s game had been added to Fox’s schedule. Each MLB team can appear a maximum of nine times a season on the Fox Saturday game and this maxes out the Cubs. They are 4-4 in the previous eight games, so they’ll be looking to finish the season with an over-.500 record in these games which can be seen…
… well, today, hardly anywhere. Despite the fact that the Red Sox and Yankees both have magic numbers of 3 (for the wild card and AL East, respectively), Fox is sending that game to the overwhelming majority of TV markets. Here is a complete list of where you can see the Cubs and Giants this afternoon:
Albuquerque; Casper, WY; Cedar Rapids, IA; Champaign, IL; Cheyenne, WY; Chicago; Chico, CA; Colorado Springs, CO; Columbia, MO; Davenport, IA; Denver; Eureka, CA; Evansville, IN; Ft. Wayne, IN; Fresno, CA; Grand Junction, CO; Indianapolis; Louisville; Madison, WI; Medford, OR; Milwaukee; Monterey, CA; Ottumwa, IA; Paducah, KY; Peoria, IL; Quincy, IL; Rapid City, SD; Reno, NV; Sacramento; San Francisco; Santa Barbara, CA; Sioux City, IA; South Bend, IN; Springfield, IL; St. Louis; Terre Haute, IN
Yep. That’s it. Basically, areas with a lot of Cubs and Giants fans, a few places around the NL Central, and cities likely to have Rockies fans.
In addition to Derrek Lee and Aramis Ramirez, who both should return to the lineup this afternoon, some other Cubs are banged up:
Reliever Kevin Gregg is expected to be sidelined at least the rest of the weekend because of mild left rib inflammation. He has been sore since pitching Sunday in St. Louis.
Outfielder Sam Fuld, who has been limited in recent days by a sore wrist, was back in the lineup and is expected to get more playing time down the stretch, with prospect Tyler Colvin being used more as a defensive replacement.
Fuld had a nice game last night. I don’t think any of us will miss Gregg too much.
Site note: I will be out this evening so today’s game recap will be delayed either till late evening or early Sunday morning.
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NOTE: Tom Gorzelanny’s stats below are with the Cubs only. See the pitcher box above for his full-season stats.
Barry Zito has four career starts vs. the Cubs; lifetime record 1-2, 3.96, the ERA very close to his current season ERA, 3.99. However, Zito has been very good in the second half of this season; since the All-Star break, in 13 starts he’s 5-3, 2.58. The one way the Cubs might get to him is with patience; he’s issued 30 walks in 76.2 innings in those 13 starts. Reed Johnson, who may get the start today vs. the lefty Zito, is 4-for-13 against him and Derrek Lee, who should be back this afternoon, is 5-for-10.
Tom Gorzelanny had a good outing in Milwaukee on Monday, striking out nine and giving up two runs, both solo HR to Mike Cameron. The last time he pitched against the Giants, he threw a five-hit shutout on August 12, 2007, coincidentally, with Zito as his opponent. Only one Giant who started that day will likely play today — Randy Winn — who is 1-for-8 lifetime vs. Gorz. Gorzelanny has shown flashes of the pitcher he was two years ago with the Pirates and I think he matches up well with Zito.
Today’s game, as noted above, is on a few Fox stations chosen by dartboard. For other games today see the MLB.com Mediacenter.
Baseball-reference.com game preview
Please visit our SB Nation Giants site McCovey Chronicles. Grant, who runs the site, is one of SBN’s best writers.
Overflow comment threads will post today at 4:15 and 5:15 pm CDT.
Discuss amongst yourselves.
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I have always been a fan of white, I have to say, seeing news like this gives me mixed feelings.This will be shocking news for white fans, but some of you who will say that you saw it coming. I can’t say I’m all that surprised though. white is cool, I really hope this doesn’t affect the season.
Every day could be opening day when you open up your checkbook and see the logo of your favorite MLB team prominently displayed. All 30 teams available. Matching labels and cover are also available. These baseball checks are only $27.90 at DesignerChecks.com
Hernandez is in the headlines:
First you ruin baseball, and now you’re ruining sportswriting. Is there nothing you won’t fuck up, steroids? BRONX BOMBSHELL: DEREK JETER SAYS HE USED STEROIDS Well, what would you do if ESPN interrupted your regularly scheduled programming for that one? Damn. It was a “what-if” gambit. To answer your “what-if” gambit: I would be mildly surprised for eleven seconds, then I would nod slightly at the non-news that another huge star had taken steroids, then I would chuckle to myself while thinking about what Mike Francesca would say about it. (”Not today. Not in The Bronx. Not with all the ghosts looking down from heaven. Not Derek Jeter. Not like this…not like this…”). Then I would turn the channel to see if anything good was playing on Starz HD West. Maybe “You Can Count On Me” or something. I can watch that movie over and over again without getting bored. Unlike the movie called “Baseball Players Did Steroids.” 1. After A-Rod, Bonds, McGwire, Palmeiro, Sosa, Clemens, Giambi, Manny, Ortiz, and like 8200 others, why would one more star player make me shred my season tickets? 2. Charcoal fluid? Do you mean “lighter fluid?” “Charcoal fluid” sounds like something that you spray on something else to make it smell like charcoal. (Which I call: Axe Body Spray.) (Boom! Take that, Axe Body Spray!) 3. The phrase “…delete America’s pastime from your Facebook friends list” is the textbook definition of an adult writing about something “the kids” do when they don’t really understand what that thing is. This isn’t a question so much as an exhortation: please, people who don’t really understand the internet â stop trying to use internet lingo. If you don’t, I will text message your MySpace vlog and lol cats to the bit torrent meme! Just, hang on a second there, sparky. Really? Really. If Derek Jeter did steroids, you would never watch another baseball game again. Ever. Not this year, not next year, never. Wojo is WoDone with WoBall, if Derek Jeter has done steroids. When everyone else, in every sport, has done steroids. I call bullshit on this, frankly, because: although I personally hate steroids, and all they have done to tarnish the game I love, a pretty fucking hefty amount of famous and popular players have done steroids, and Wojo, like the rest of us, is still watching baseball. Because it’s baseball, and baseball is awesome, even if every single player worth a damn since 1992 has been jamming llama testicle suppositories up his butt to make himself run faster. It’s baseball. It’s fun. Baseball!!!!!! Also, grammar quiz: what kind of insane literary device is the phrase “attached to the hip of performance enhancers?” a) Metonymy b) vernacular idiom c) utter nonsense d) Grumbletorp-noun phrase? The answer is e) bad. Because if Captain Pinstripes could do the Vitamin S deed, then anybody can. Bad news, Wojo. Anybody can, and most of them did. And for the record, “Captain Pinstripes” is the name you should use to make fun of Jeter, and his bulletproof reputation in the national news media. It really sounds like you’re making fun of him, when you call him Captain Pinstripes. It’s like calling him Calm Eyes McGee. Also, metaphor quiz: what kind of writing is “do the Vitamin S deed?” (a) good (b) cool (c) awesome (d) funny? The answer is: (e) no. Jeter’s name is where I draw the line in the PED sand. He is the absolute last guy I’d ever suspect of juicing. Me too, for the record, since he has been pretty statistically consistent (yeah, I used “consistent” â deal with it) in his career, he’s not a big power guy, and his head hasn’t ballooned outward like a giant loaf of baking bread. And, he admittedly seems like a good dude who has his priorities in the correct order. But you probably have another reason for thinking this… It seems so, well, beneath him. That is also a good explanation. The one player? Tell that to Randy Velarde! 1“Chase Utley’s swing is a cheesesteak of perfection” is a registered Food Metaphor Trademark of FireJoeMorgan.com, Inc., LLC. No reproduction, retransmission, or other use of the Food Metaphor “Chase Utley’s swing is a cheesesteak of perfection” is allowed without the express written consent of FireJoeMorgan.com Inc., LLC, and its parent companies: Fremulon Ins., Inc., Raytheon, General Dynamics, Boeing, Halliburton, AIG, and the Peoples’ National Bank and Trust of Kaesong. All rights reserved.] Also, money, maybe, was a factor. Not Jeter. No way. Here are some words I would use to describe Jeter: I would say his most admirable legacy is his respect for the game. I would also say that his career has attained mythic status. And I would definitely say that someday, Jeter will leave the game the way he played it â with class. Oh â hang on. Sorry. Those are all things that Sports Illustrated said about Mark McGwire when he retired. Because at the time, it seemed like they were true. Then, later, it turned out that they were wrong, because Mark McGwire was eating camel pancreas and drinking tapir prostate extract and rubbing Bald Eagle semen on his gums and basically cheating the whole time. Nobody in baseball definitely didn’t do steroids. It doesn’t mean everyone did. It just means nobody definitely didn’t. It’s their bed â they have to lie in it. Now, again, I personally don’t think Jeter is using, or has ever used, PEDs. But let’s just cool it with the hagiography, okay? As the saying goes, “When you write a hagiography of a baseball player, you make a hagio out of graph and y.” (That is nonsense.) Also, I like that Jeter’s pedestal is so high, the worst fate Wojo can imagine befalling him is marrying Mariah Carey, who is pretty effing hot and also rich and famous. 1. Yes you are the only one. Dr. Oz is a cardiac surgeon and anti-aging specialist who goes on Oprah a lot. It is unclear to me how he could help you. Are you saying you would have a heart attack? Or that you would need botox? Or something? 2. Stop saying “did the steroids deed.” For the record, Babe Ruth was not “born and raised” by the Yankee Organization either, obviously. Roger Maris was signed by Cleveland and also played with KC before joining the Yankees in 1960. Reggie Jackson played for the Yankees for five seasons, and with other teams for sixteen seasons. But whatever. They’re all True Yankees. Here’s the thing, you guys. The Yankees are just better than other players. That’s the deal. They’re better. They’re better. Just accept it. There should be two Halls of Fame, I think. One for human players who excel at baseball, and one for Yankees. And maybe a third for True Yankees Who Knew How To Win. Paul O’Neill, Tino, Brosius, Chad Curtis, Ramiro Mendoza, Jeter, Rivera, Girardi, Posada, Pettitte, Bernie, Wells, Cone, and that’s fucking it. (And somehow Don Mattingly, even though he won exactly nothing, but fuck you, he was a winner.) They would be housed in a separate building, and admission would be $10,000. They would have gold-plated plaques, and visitors would have to take off their shoes out of respect for the True Yankees and would also have to view the plaques through special like astronomy glasses so as to avoid their retinas being burned out by the sheer beauty of the True Yankees’ memorialized visages. And offerings could be made, maybe â that would be nice. Slaughtered goats and sprinkled holy water and incense could be burned in front of fucking Paul O’Neill’s fucking plaque because he so totally Knew How To Win and was Such a True Warrior and True Yankee that it seems like the least anyone could do when given the monumental once-in-a-lifetime fucking chance to be in a True Yankee’s plaque-i-fied presence for like 30 seconds, and maybe see the remnants of a water cooler he smashed to bits after striking out looking in the third inning of a 5-2 win over the Royals in early June because he is such a True Warrior even though someone else on another team who does that is a Punk and a Hot Head, is avert one’s eyes and slaughter a goat or something out of Respect for the Greatest Fucking Humans Who Ever Walked The Fucking Earth. Whatever. One man’s opinion. It’s unclear why I just went off on Paul O’Neill, who has nothing to do with this article at all. Oh well. I really should get my delete key fixed. Can you imagine if Albert Pujols, the man who eventually replaced McGwire at first base, was a syringe enthusiast? I adore Pujols. But that doesn’t mean he definitely never did steroids. A Jeter steroids admission would be the deal-breaker for me. Develop premise for article. Repeat premise. Goto 10. Who would it be for you? Ken Griffey, Jr.? If The Kid did it, I’m gone. No you’re not. Chipper Jones? The same. No. Dude, no. Mariano Rivera? I’d think about it. The sound of you going about your normal life followed by you watching baseball. Jim Thome? Baseball’s nicest guy wouldn’t do that to us, would he? Tim Lincecum? Sadness if The Freak was a fake. Trevor Hoffman? Hells bells, please not Hoffman. Yuniesky Betancourt? I’d Yunies-keep going and never look back!!!! I’m just kidding. He didn’t write that. The last one was David Wright. But there could come a time when the PED damage reaches a tipping point. For me, the magic number is 2. The number of minutes it took you to write this article? The number of people who agree with you? The number on a scale of 1-10 of how surprising it would be if any baseball star were revealed to be a steroids user? Jeter’s jersey number.
Steroids steroids steroids, you crazy son of a bitch. What have you gone and done now? You’ve made Gene Wojciechowski write this little bit of insanity.
Awesome! I hope this is real, and not a “what-if” gambit!
Would it be enough to make you shred your season tickets, douse your baseball cards with charcoal fluid and delete America’s pastime from your Facebook friends list?
I have several questions.
If I ever see Jeter’s name attached to the hip of performance enhancers, I’m done. I mean it — I’ll never watch another big league game again.
Oh â right. Derek Jeter exists on a higher spiritual, moral, and dare I even say yes I think I do dare say physical plane than the rest of humanity. Derek Jeter’s face is carved into the side of Egyptian sarcophagi that predate him by thousands of years. Derek Jeter floats eleven inches off the ground. Derek Jeter’s urine is legal tender currency in Asia.
He is the one player who I actually think would walk away from the game if he thought he had to cheat to compete.
Bonds, who didn’t need to cheat but did anyway, was undone by an ego the size of Alcatraz.
Is that big? I honestly don’t know whether Alcatraz is a big or small prison. Which brings me to my next point: why use a defunct prison as the b-side in a hyperbolic metaphor? Just because Bonds played in San Francisco? Jeff Kent had a temper as hot as the roof of the TransAmerica Pyramid. Chase Utley’s swing is a cheesesteak of perfection1. Feliz Hernandez is Microsoft Office.
Clemens, the pathological liar who tries to intimidate people into believing his gum-wrapper-thin explanations, cheated because he was “The Rocket” and you’re not.
Not Jeter. I can see him marrying Mariah Carey before I see him squirming in front of a Congressional hearing with the lawyered-up Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire. I can see him in a Boston Red Sox uni before I see him smirking his way through PED revelations like Manny Ramirez did in Los Angeles.
I’m not a Yankees honk. In fact, I want to scrape my ears with a steel-haired barbecue grill brush every time I hear play-by-play man John Sterling do that grating, “Thhhhhhhhhhhhe Yankees win!” thing.
Me too! All is forgiven. I take it all back. This article is awesome.
But how can you not admire the way Jeter treats his craft? He is the template for baseball professionalism.
No he’s not. He’s about the same amount of “professional” as about 300 other guys. He’s just more famous. If Jeter had played for the Brewers his entire career, he’d be Robin Yount. Still great, still in the Hall of Fame, but not slobbered over. (And, I am going to point out for the millionth time, Jeter didn’t exactly come to ARod’s defense when he was getting booed while in a slump a few years ago â and that was after he had come to Giambi’s defense in a very similar situation.)
That’s why I’d need a year’s worth of Dr. Oz therapy sessions if it turns out Jeter did the steroids deed. And I’m not the only one.
Yankees fans would go into permanent mourning if Jeter betrayed them. A-Rod’s steroids admission they could handle; he was a free-agent import. Jeter, though, was born and raised by the organization. You think Yankees and you think Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle, Maris, Berra, Munson, Reggie and Jeter.
Yeah, I can. Super easily. You know why? He exhibits the #1 correlative behavior: he plays baseball. Everyone who plays baseball, it turns out, might have done steroids.
City officials would have to set up a baseball suicide prevention clinic at Busch Stadium. Cards fans adore Pujols.
Pujols, too. If those guys went pharmaceutical, I couldn’t go to a big league game if Bud Selig paid me.
Yes you would. This is insane. Yes you absolutely would, whether or not the commissioner of the sport paid for your tickets. You would, because you like baseball. Don’t be that douche who said “If George Bush is elected I’m moving to Canada!” and then didn’t move to Canada.
No you wouldn’t.
Joe Mauer? The sound of weeping followed by my baseball resignation letter.
Possibly. And he wouldn’t have been doing it “to you.” He would have been doing it to be better at baseball and make a ton of money.
Sadness, sure. As well as continued baseball watching.
Trevor Hoffman doing steroids wouldn’t even be the main article on ESPN.com.
So far the game has survived the depressing revelations. It sort of coagulates, scabs up and then heals as best as it can.
Wojo out..
Let us know w you think!
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Look who is making news again: white! This time, The Exception That Proves Exactly Nothing Fjm. For you convenience:
One of our favorite gambits here at FJM is the old “use the exception that proves the rule to yell at someone for not thinking the exception is the rule” gambit.
Enter Rick Morrissey of the Trib (ahhhhh…just typing those words is giving me Proustian tingles) and this little beaut about the ChiSox:
Despite rich history of improbable comebacks, Chicago White Sox just giving up
Desire to dump veterans a disturbing failure of imagination
This article was published on September 2nd. The day before, the ChiSox had SmartBalled their way to a 4-3 loss in Minnesota, leaving them at 64-69. The Tigers had taken care of the Indians, 8-5, leaving them at 70-61. This site at that moment gave them about a 1.4% chance of making the playoffs.
Also, it should be noted, the ChiSox are hopelessly mediocre. They haven’t been more than five games over .500 the whole year. They can pitch pretty well, but they can’t hit, and there’s just no way they’re catching the Tigers. But screw the facts â let’s enter the Imaginarium of Doctor Morrissey!
Is there no more room for imagination in numbers-obsessed baseball?
Don’t just analyze the game. Dream the game.
I’m not talking about creativity. I’m talking about making room in your imagination for the possibility of something special happening, regardless of what the numbers might suggest.
If you are at the plate, and you take strike three, don’t just walk away. Stay up there, in the box. Linger. Maybe everyone will forget that three strikes = you are out. Maybe the ump will have a heart attack and in the chaos you can sneaky-pete down to first. Maybe the pitcher will get cocky, like that guy that time on The Apprentice who gave up his immunity because he was so confident he would prevail in the boardroom and then got fired for being stupid enough to give up his immunity, and say, “You know what? Let him stay up there â I’ll give back the out and strike him out again!” You never know. It could happen.
The White Sox are seven games out of first place with a month left in the season, and their general manager has let everyone know the team is finished.
What Rick Morrissey of The Trib is talking about is: the ChiSox trading Jose Contreras and Jim Thome a day or so before this article was written. Yes. That’s the thing that has made Rick Morrisey feel like the ChiSox are waving the white flag. Trading Jim Thome, who is pretty good but 39 years old, and Jose Contreras, who is listed as 37 but who everyone knows is 50 if he’s a day, and who was 5-13, 5.42 with a WHIP of like seventy thousand in 21 starts. Somehow, trading one of the absolute worst starting pitchers in all of baseball means you are giving up.
So, let’s start by saying: dumping two 55 year-old guys is not necessarily “giving up.” Thome had a pretty good year, all things considered, but just because he and Contreras are veterans and they traded them doesn’t mean they are “giving up.” Veteran does not = good, always.
Also, and probably more importantly, the team is finished. As I write this, they are 71-73, and 6 games back with 18 to play. Barring an insane miracle collapse by the Tigers, who are better than the ChiSox (not much, but better, especially defensively), the ChiSox’ season was indeed over, on September 2nd, when they were 64-69.
So, to recap: they are not giving up, but they are probably finished, so there’s no point in writing this article, and we should all just go back to work or studying a foreign language or whatever we were doing before I started typing this.
Did the Rockies think the same thing in 2007, when they were six games behind in the wild-card race on Sept. 1? They won 14 of their last 15 regular-season games and made it to the World Series.
The ChiSox should bank on doing that, then. Especially since their longest winning streak this season has been seven games, which was back in June, and five of which were over the Indians and Royals. They then lost two in a row to the Royals. They haven’t been more than 5 games over .500 all year. They are scrumptionsly mediocre. But let’s go ahead and bank on them ripping off 18 in a row and making the playoffs!
I remember reading, in a like Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! book I had when I was a kid, that a woman was once sucked out of a commercial airplane at 20,000 feet and fell to the ground and landed in some hay or something and lived. This would not make me feel awesome about my chances, were I ever sucked out of a commercial airliner at 20,000 feet. If I were sucked out of a commercial airliner at 20,000 feet, I would think: “Man oh man, Ken, are you fucked.”
Or how about the 1969 Mets, who trailed the Cubs by 8 1/2 games in mid-August and, well, you know what happened? Or the 1935 Cubs, who went 23-1 after Aug. 31 to win the National League pennant?
You’re just giving up? What about that thing that happened 40 years ago? Or that other thing that happened 74 years ago! Why aren’t you using those three instances from the last 75 years as a baseline for what you should expect to happen?! I don’t understand why you are not doing that!!!!!!
I am as always sir your most humble servant etc.,
Rick Morrissey
The Trib
Or any of the other teams that have done the unthinkable by going on a September run to the playoffs?
And why are you not using other, vaguely-referenced hypothetical examples that may or may not have happened?! You are being so stubborn, The White Sox!
I remain sir your most devoted friend and companion etc.,
Rick Morrissey
The Trib
But GM Ken Williams has looked at his team and started passing out toe tags. After sending a memo to the other teams listing the players he was willing to trade, he sent Jim Thome to the Dodgers for a 26-year-old Class A infielder. Can you imagine that? A guy with 23 home runs and 74 runs batted in, and you get next to nothing in return.
Yeah, so, this was not one of Kenny’s finest deals. They sent Thome and cash to the Dodgers for Justin Fuller, who is 26 and going nowhere fast. A little hard to explain, especially since I imagine Thome would have gotten them compensation if they’d offered arb. Maybe they didn’t want to, because he made $13m this year and is 82 years old. Whatever. The point, again, is that the ChiSox went 1-9 in the ten games leading up to September 1. So they got rid of a veteran who cleared waivers. Big deal.
The Sox have six games remaining against Detroit, which is in first place in the American League Central. Trading Thome, as well as dangling Jermaine Dye and Scott Linebrink, is capitulation. It’s surrender. It’s telling everyone — players, fans, innocent bystanders — that it’s over.
No it’s not. Everyone on every team is “dangled” around August. It just makes sense. If the Rays thought that Jermaine Dye was the answer to their postseason push and decided he was worth David Price or something, it would be stupid not to have dangled Jermaine Dye. (Also, it is, probably, over, for the ChiSox. Just a reminder.)
Maybe it is.
It is.
But we never will know if it truly was,
It is.
because the season didn’t have a chance to play itself out.
Get ready for some misplaced anger, kids.
Is there a stats-freak formula that suggests when to shut down a season? Is a six-game deficit on Aug. 31 similar to a bad OPS, OBP or Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da?
I would like to make a suggestion to all angry, stat-ignorant sportswriters out there: when you do the thing where you cite real stats and then make up a goofy-sounding joke stat to try to make fun of sabermetrics, don’t use OPS and OBP. They’re pretty fucking simple to understand, and also pretty mainstream at this point, but you all choose them as your “these crazy stats are so weird!” set-ups for your awesome joke stats, and so you all end up with similar-sounding jokes. There are way goofier-sounding stats out there, if you want them. xFIP is pretty silly-sounding. Use xFIP.
Another suggestion I might make to all angry, stat-ignorant sportswriters out there would be: learn some stuff about stats.
If I have this straight, the Sox acquired Jake Peavy and Alex Rios for a playoff run, and then when things didn’t go well, the club ran with its tail between its legs.
Or, to put it another way: the club thought it had a chance to compete in a weak division, then they went 1-9 over ten games leading up to September 1, and rationally changed their minds. (The wisdom of trading for Alex Rios and his .296 OBP and his insane contract, and Peavy and his bum arm, is another matter entirely.) Then they traded two expensive guys who are free agents at the end of the year, one of whom was absolutely killing the team, and each of whom was so old they were both members of the miracle Cubs of 1935.
Does that about sum it up?
Yes. Yes, it does.
And while we’re asking questions, since when did Trader Kenny become Traitor Kenny?
Well done.
What is it that baseball people like to say? That a 162-game season is a marathon, not a sprint? Well, the Sox just quit at the 20-mile mark.
Because they were well behind the pace-setters, and have another marathon to run next year. And also, they didn’t quit. They traded two guys whose next birthdays will be announced by Willard Scott on The Today Show.
Williams wants to go younger. Understandable. But with a month left in the season, he sees no way the Sox are going to make a run for a division title? What an
— accurate assessment of his team’s chances? — appropriate summary of the situation? — appetizing apple pie a la mode?
awful reflection on the organization.
Oh. I was way off.
Give Williams this: He got the Rockies to give him a Triple-A pitcher for the fast-fading Jose Contreras.
You know who that AAA pitcher is? 24 year-old Brandon Hynick, who had a 3:1 K/BB ratio at AA last year and who just threw a 7-inning perfect game at AAA. Jose Contreras was a 131 year-old pitcher making $10m a year, sporting a 5.42 ERA. If Kenny Williams had gotten the Rockies to give him a 50-count box of legal-sized envelopes for Jose Contreras, he could have rightly demanded and been given a 4-year extension. (And yes, I know Contreras pitched well in his debut for the Rockies. But it’s the NL West, for God’s sake. There are Babe Ruth League pitchers who can shut down the teams in the NL West.)
You can look at Monday’s maneuverings as an indication that Peavy’s arm problems are a lot worse than the Sox are letting on. Or you can look at it that the Sox are wringing their hands over how much they will be paying Rios and Peavy.
Those both make sense. Why did you write this article?
As much as his power numbers will be missed, Thome will be missed as a person even more. Everyone in the Sox clubhouse will tell you how hard he works to get ready for games. They will talk about the example the 39-year-old sets for younger players. But mostly they’ll talk about how nice he is.
Is he $11m in salary as a 40 year-old nice? Because if you don’t trade him and offer him arb and he takes it, that’s what you’re going to pay him next year, and if you don’t offer him arb he’s just going to walk, and you don’t even get a 26 year-old A-ball player in return. He’d have to be pretty effing nice to be worth $11m as a 40 year-old DH. He’d have to be like “Kenneth the Page” nice.
If it were just Thome being dealt and if Williams had gotten something, anything for him, this might not be such a big deal. But the idea that Williams was ready to trade other veterans is. Taken as a whole, it’s a dark day.
It’s not “a dark day.” The day Kennedy was shot was “a dark day.” The day Jose Contreras was traded to the Rockies was 79 and mostly sunny, with maybe some very light mist in the early evening, just enough to cool things off in a pleasant way.
And as for the others that Kenny was “ready to trade,” well, he didn’t, because he didn’t get a good enough deal. The Red Sox traded Nomar at the deadline in 2004 and won the World Series. Every thinking GM should be ready to trade any player at any moment, if the deal is right.
You can blame it on the Metrodome if you want. The Sox get inside that gray ghost and crawl into a hole. Maybe Williams saw only doom and gloom from that vantage point. But there might have been some light ahead if he had just looked for it.
Or if he had just gotten less stubborn and thought about the 1935 Cubs, which: why don’t more GMs think constantly about the 1935 Cubs?!?!?!?!?
.
How do you think this news about white will affect the rest of the team this season?
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I wonder how white’s real fans feel,
Sure, we don’t know our football all that well. But that’s actually part of the reason we feel pretty justified calling bullshit on Tom Curran’s list of “Five Players Ready to Become NFL Superstars.”
There are stars and then there are STARS.
And then there are —==SSSTTTAAARRRSSS==—(TM)!!! And then there is also that channel Starz.
And trying to put a player into one category or the other is a subjective thing.
True. Hard to be objective about a distinction that you just made up.
For instance, Carson Palmer ⦠star. Tony Romo ⦠STAR. Agree?
I guess.
Wait, no. I changed my mind. I’m gonna go with:
I GUESS.
If you asked a dozen GMs, more than half would lean toward starting their team with Palmer. But if Tony Romo and Carson Palmer walked side-by-side through, say, O’Hare International Airport, who would be more widely recognized?
Romo. No question. Playing for the Cowboys, dating Jessica Simpson, smirking and grinning and trying to keep T.O. from melting down - all of it has helped make Romo a celebrity as well as a quarterback.
Oh, okay. I get it — this is going to be a list of NFL players who are most likely to date someone famous so they become celebrities. I heard Antonio Bryant was spotted at P.F. Chang’s with one of the girls from “90210.” He’s gotta be on the list!
Also, I saw Chris Cooley’s dick on this very website once. Does that count for something?
For Palmer, playing in Cincinnati for a moribund franchise that has a steady kickoff time of 1 p.m. EDT throughout the fall hasn’t helped him become more recognizable.
Well that makes sense. I guess we won’t be seeing any players on this list from teams with a history of losing, like the Lions or the Texans. (Spoiler alert: A Lion and a Texan are on the list!)
And yet at this time three years ago, Romo was known by nobody outside of NFL personnel and the people who follow the league closely.
So we wondered: Who’s going to blow up in 2009?
Three years ago, Romo was backing up Drew Bledsoe, and not having the whitest sex ever with Jessica Simpson. He didn’t take a snap in a regular season game until October. Then he became a STAR, which may or may not be a thing. So — if I understand this correctly — we’re looking for guys who you’ve never heard of, but are likely to become superstars really quick.
Let’s see what ya got.
We came up with five: quarterbacks Matt Ryan and Philip Rivers of the Falcons and Chargers;
Um, I’m sorry. I seem to have jumped into the middle of an article about some of the most famous players in the league.
Philip Rivers isn’t a STAR yet? Can’t we all agree he’s at least a StaR or something? Didn’t Matt Ryan lead his team to the playoffs last year?
receivers Andre Johnson and Calvin Johnson from the Texans and Lions,
I have no idea what this list is supposed to be. Seriously, raise your hand if you haven’t heard of Andre and Calvin Johnson. You can raise it in all caps if you want to.
and running back Adrian Peterson from the Vikings.
Everything above this was written four days ago. Here’s what happened.
I had written some stuff, whatever, going through the article line by line and trying my best to make some decent smartass comments or food metaphors or whatever. Then I read this line about Adrian Peterson — that this might be the year that he becomes a superstar.
I think I reacted properly: I took my MacBook that I was writing this on, twirled around like a discus thrower, and hurled my laptop out the window. Then I blacked out, for I don’t know how long, and woke up on my bed. My girlfriend was sitting next to me.
I was like “what happened?”
“I don’t know. It was like you were in some sort of fever dream, but you kept saying the same thing out loud over and over again.”
“What did I say?”
“Hold on, I wrote it down. Okay, yeah. You kept saying ‘For crying out fuck, first of all he’s the consensus #1 fantasy football pick, which literally tens of millions of Americans play. Also he’s in about 60% of the commercials these days — the dude is one “Cut That Meat!” away from hosting SNL. And! He led the fucking league in rushing last year!’”
“Huh. Sounds about right.”
“Also the neighbors came by to drop off your computer. It’s gonna take like four days to fix.”
Adrian Peterson. Is not a superstar. Yet. That’s what we’re going with?
All are known. None are known so well they’d be mobbed in an airport, recognized in New York City or be readily identifiable by a nickname.
Adrian Peterson has two nicknames that I can think of, and again, I barely follow football (”All Day” or “A.D.”, and “Purple Jesus”). Everyone calls Calvin Johnson “Megatron,” but, I guess in a way this guy’s right. He doesn’t have that mobbable quality because he never dated a dumb reality show star.
Yet. But wait until after this season.
Well, I guess we know what that means. At some point this fall, Andre Johnson is going to tittyfuck Audrina Partridge.
L’chaim!
what do you think?How do you think this news will affect the team this season?
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No matter what anybody says, I can’t stop thinking morrow is interesting -
Goodbye, cruel internet. Again.
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Thank you all again for the links and support over the last four years. And as Steve Phillips might say: Incomprehensible nonsense.
dak, Junior, and Ken
*****
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